I stopped by the side of a road and stood there watching the tree standing feebly in front of me, losing it's grip to every waves that surpasses it. I was unaware of the moment that the window glass was shut down, I slid the window up quiet fast actually as it was 2'C outside and true I didn't had the courage to face the world outside. I laid myself on the luxurious seat of my Mercedes CD 350 and kept on looking at the old tree that was right in front of me. Once it was the place I loved to visit every evening but today I am here after 10 years. Along with the fleeting time everything has changed, me, my life, my surroundings, my belongings and just the whole of the world. The old tree was struggling with the high waves that was forcibly trying to uproot it but it stood still with all it's courage.  I was blank for a moment, speechless, thoughtless. I was left just with myself and few fading memories. I turned to adjust the temperature of the A.C. as it was getting extreme cold. My eye spotted a house or say a small bungalow which was once my dream home and now it's begging for someone's attention.

      I suddenly noticed that something crept on my right cheek, I had tears filled in my eyes. Ya, I, the leading business man or the enterprenuer, owner of a software firm who has not ever cried since the last six years is now having eyes filled with tears and even I wasn't able to control myself. I sat still watching the house and the swing that stood in front of me, which was rusted now and covered with snow. Once I used to sit there with my father having discussion on my silly dreams which has made me what I am now whom he always agreed to and encouraged. I always had been ambitions with dreams and ideas and I felt proud of myself about having them and with a thought that I would accomplish them once. Actually, I wish I wouldn't have been that ambitious. I wish I wouldn't have been with those dreams, cause today I have lost everything to survive.

      Life  ditched me a few times, and rest few times I found it to be creepy and cruel, so I traced my own path of my survival choosing myself as the companion. I found that keeping myself busy in my work and forgetting the whole of the world was the only way to be happy and someone told me to kill the expectation as they are the main cause of every cruel feelings. I changed my life and I am responsible for it. I just left everything behind and went working, making it my only reason for survival and during the course I left the real companions. I lost my parents who wanted to see me happy just cause I have carved a different way for my survival. I lost my love cause we had the different path, she wanted to be happy, and for me happiness had a major share of success and money which was not the same with her.

      My throat jammed, I was unable to breathe. I took out a beer can and had a sip, felt a bit relaxed, continued for few more sips. I laid there dumbstruck fighting for my breathe and trying to halt the tears which was flowing continuously  I was missing her badly, I was missing my parents, I was cursing myself for the life I chose and I have to live it till the last breathe. I loved her, loved her a lot but she never understood or rather I didn't. Actually I didn't but today I am left with just no reason for my survival. Rather I felt to be the most selfish human as I didn't cared for my parents happiness and smile. Today I was going to ruin this house just to build a multi stores building which would add some more zeroes in my account. How evil I was, I felt for a moment to just run down my car into a valley and end up just everything, but I have already lost just everything, now I have nothing more to love. I bent backwards and took out a small photo album beneath my backseat. The front pic was of my parents, tears ran down off my eyes, I kept it stuck to my heart. Then a picture slid out of it, yes, it was her. I kissed the pic endless times and I just wished she would be with me. I loved her, and still love her but now she is no more mine. I went mad, I took out another beer can and engulfed the whole at a time and held my breathe. If she would have asked me once, I would have left everything for her. I have no life now. Moving in a Mercedes followed by four Audi, two behind and two heading doesn't mean anything me to me now. I was begging for the priceless things I lost.

      I wish I would get my love back and live a happy life serving our parents together in the small cozy bungalow that stood beside me, but I felt to be the greatest loser, I realized what life is meant to be. I was left with just guilt and regrets and nothing else. The only companion of my mine was my beer cans which helped me out with myself. I wish I would have realized it a bit earlier. 

-ADITYA SINHA

(*Drinking is not at all encouraged in this blog as it is injurious to health)